Jokes and Reflections

I was thinking of a few jokes or stories that have stayed with me and stood the test of time.  And when I think about them, there is a reason why.  This by the way, is a tip of the hat to the well written and hilarious book 'Plato and Platypus Go To the Bar.'  Although the jokes here are not from that book, but ones that I have heard from friends here & there.


1. Da Goldfish

Question:  Why does a Goldfish seem fine even in a very tiny fish bowl?

Answer:  The Goldfish has such a small brain, that by the time it swims around the small bowl, and comes back to where it started, it says, "Hey, nice new place!  How beautiful and bright!  This is great!"

:-)

Our brains are also tiny compared to this vast universe.  So I wonder how we might be deluding ourselves into thinking we are happy, when we are perhaps just like the goldfish, going round and round in our own versions of a glass bowl!


2.  Free Will (Not!)

Question:  What is the similarity between a cemetery and a lavatory?

Answer:  In both cases, 'you gotta go, when you gotta go'

:-)

We again, might be deluding ourselves into thinking we have free will, when perhaps we 'gotta go when we gotta go.'  Maybe our so called free will is limited within a larger set of rules.  It is like rolling a dice.  You can't predict which number will show up 1 through 6.  But you can be sure it WILL BE 1 through 6.

3.  Words

My Dad tells this story.  There was once a beggar who comes to a house and sees the home owner sitting on the veranda in front.  He praises the owner for his magnificent house.  The owner is pleased and says to his wife, 'bring this man a bag of rice.'  The beggar praises him some more.  The owner says, 'bring this man a bag of vegetables.'  And this goes on for some time.

Finally, the beggars says, 'can I get my stuff?'


The owner says, 'what do you mean?'

The beggar says, 'you just asked you wife to bring all these things to me.'


The owner goes, 'oh!  You were saying things that made me feel good. So I was saying things that would make you feel good.'


:-)

This story has always stuck with me.  Could the beggar offered his services for reward, rather than just offer praise?

4.  Bumper sticker

I once saw a bumper sticker on a car - "I took the road less traveled.  Now where the hell am I?!'

:-)

This one is a beauty.  This is both a reference to Robert Frost's famous anthem 'The Road Not Taken' as well as Scott Peck's mega-best seller 'The Road Less Traveled.'  I find the bumper sticker so funny because, in-spite of the fact that the very line 'road less traveled' implies risk, the wanderer took that to mean a formula for success and happiness!

5.  Consultant

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a fancy suit and sun glasses, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd... "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd looked at the man, then looked at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answered "sure".

The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his laptop and connected it to a cell phone, then he surfed the internet where he called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database and spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response.

Finally, he printed out a report on his portable printer then turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1586 sheep. "That is correct; take one of the sheep." said the shepherd.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his car. Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my animal?",

"OK, why not." answered the young man. "Clearly, you are a consultant." said the shepherd.


"That's correct." says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"


"No guessing required." answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business...... Now give me back my dog."


:-)


We have all heard this joke before.  But it is always funny!

And here is a funny link to consulting:

http://www.consultingcase101.com/you-know-it-is-time-to-get-out-of-consulting-when/