Clothing Calculus

I have been thinking about what we wear, and why while navigating airports, conference rooms, and sidewalks. I noticed recently two women in vivid native dress, walking with composure side by side through the Boston Logan airport terminal which was otherwise awash in navy blazers and polo shirts. I wondered if they blended in their own eyes and in the eyes of those around them.

Clothing is never only fabric. It is cultural, symbolic, contextual, climate related, and transactional. The question of whether we should do as the Romans do requires nuance.

When I moved from Bank of America to Merrill Lynch in the 2000s, I could have clung to the bank’s identity. We were the acquirer. Instead, I pinned the Merrill “Bull” to my lapel and took the time to learn Merrill’s language. Within a year, no one remembered I had come from the bank side. The same instinct has followed me to TIAA. I have been here a little over two years, but people often remark it feels like it has been “forever.” Adaptation is a concession to the fact that belonging has its own language, behavior and uniform.

However, there are limits to this approach. Asking an elderly Indian woman to trade her sari for jeans to appear modern is impractical. On the other hand, if she walks into the Rainbow Room atop the Empire State Building, she might realize that the setting may not be designed to make her feel at home. Finding that equilibrium also means it carries a tradeoff.

I find it useful to think in rules:

1. The more we need something from the local custom, the more we should adapt, even if it feels uncomfortable. 

1. The more discomfort we feel in changing, the less we should be expected to conform, though we may have to accept that the resulting integration will remain partial. 

1. People judging these choices ought exercise patience. Judgment is not about whether the clothing looks familiar but whether the person has struck an honest compromise.

1. We are rarely pioneers. When we look around we might see others who have worked through the same calculation. We are not the first persons to weigh these tensions; someone has already found a workable middle ground.

1. When global Western attire has become the default expectation, we still have room to introduce hybrid elements that honor our identity. A thoughtful blend of familiar and personal signals can both ease acceptance and might provide welcome uniqueness and individuality.

It calls to mind a story I like a lot: a man visits a friend but hesitates to enter because the dog is barking furiously. His friend waves it off and says, “Don’t worry, barking dogs don’t bite.” The visitor nods and replies, “I know the proverb, you know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb?”

We assume everyone agrees on the clothing calculus. We can make our best effort to adapt and stay true, and we walk into each room hoping we have chosen carefully, even as the friend’s dog continues barking away.