Every time we say yes or no, it actually could be considered as a decision we make that is a bet on the outcome. While that is the case, somehow it appears there is a propensity to say yes more than to say no.
In my early days as a consultant, when my travels took me around companies and innumerable non-descript offices, I happened on a plaque in someone's office that read as follows:
A Diplomat Is Someone Who Can Tell You To Go To Hell In Such A Way That You Will Look Forward To The Trip.
I love that quote at so many levels! The diplomat has said Nyet. He has maintained his relationship with the Nyet-ee. The person left happy. It is a long and winding road to hell and so, it will be a while before the person realizes the answer was a no.
There might be an argument that there is a need for simplicity and clarity in communication and the fuzzy art of diplomatic communication is not for everyone or for all situations. In which case this story related by Travis Bradberry in Forbes makes the point quite well.
John Galbraith’s housekeeper was a whiz when it came to saying no. One day in 1965 the noted economist was taking a nap when President Lyndon Johnson called his home.
“He’s taking a nap and has left strict orders not to be disturbed,” his housekeeper told the President. Johnson replied, “Well, I’m the President. Wake him up.”
Her response?
A simple: “I’m sorry, Mr. President, but I work for Mr. Galbraith, not for you.” Then she hung up.
I had quite a action packed week this week full of terrific opportunities and challenges at work. It started right away, putting me in a position to say no. I co-chair a non-profit organization where we raise funds for and assemble volunteers to doing home repairs for families in need.
One of the sponsors, called me and asked if we could move the date of the repair so that he can join and also bring more volunteers. And I was confronted with this as my very first issue on Monday morning.
There were so many logistics tied to the date that it was not possible. But how do you say no to someone actually sponsoring you?
Neither the approach of 'go to hell' no matter how artfully deployed, nor Galbraith's housekeeper's clear minded approach would work in this case.
In my response, I first thanked him for his sponsorship and said that I would look into the matter and get back to him (even though I knew the answer was probably going to be no).
I pulled up the team and the executive director and talked to them about the request and we weighed all options and consequences; including the very real possibility that if we said yes to one, then we ran the risk that every one of the other dozen sponsors would now say they want their own dates.
Then I reported back that we made the effort to accommodate and could not, with a brief but careful explanation.
I am not saying that the sponsor was happy with my answer, nor that they would sponsor me again next year. But at least, they won't pull out this year!
It appears to me that we are confronted with a yea/nay decision point throughout our lives. Peer pressure when we are teens. Parental pressures and the difficulty of saying no to children or drawing firm lines.. And as related above, the choices at work.
It is not easy to say no. But it is not obvious that when we are saying yes or no, that we are being presented with a choice.
But like anything else, if we are aware of it and set out to practice consistently, we might learn from our successes and failures.
There might even be occasions when a bet on Nyet will pay off positive returns.
In my early days as a consultant, when my travels took me around companies and innumerable non-descript offices, I happened on a plaque in someone's office that read as follows:
A Diplomat Is Someone Who Can Tell You To Go To Hell In Such A Way That You Will Look Forward To The Trip.
 |
| Kissinger - the original shuttle diplomat |
There might be an argument that there is a need for simplicity and clarity in communication and the fuzzy art of diplomatic communication is not for everyone or for all situations. In which case this story related by Travis Bradberry in Forbes makes the point quite well.
 |
| Can't say no to Lyndon Johnson |
John Galbraith’s housekeeper was a whiz when it came to saying no. One day in 1965 the noted economist was taking a nap when President Lyndon Johnson called his home.
“He’s taking a nap and has left strict orders not to be disturbed,” his housekeeper told the President. Johnson replied, “Well, I’m the President. Wake him up.”
Her response?
A simple: “I’m sorry, Mr. President, but I work for Mr. Galbraith, not for you.” Then she hung up.
I had quite a action packed week this week full of terrific opportunities and challenges at work. It started right away, putting me in a position to say no. I co-chair a non-profit organization where we raise funds for and assemble volunteers to doing home repairs for families in need.
One of the sponsors, called me and asked if we could move the date of the repair so that he can join and also bring more volunteers. And I was confronted with this as my very first issue on Monday morning.
There were so many logistics tied to the date that it was not possible. But how do you say no to someone actually sponsoring you?
Neither the approach of 'go to hell' no matter how artfully deployed, nor Galbraith's housekeeper's clear minded approach would work in this case.
In my response, I first thanked him for his sponsorship and said that I would look into the matter and get back to him (even though I knew the answer was probably going to be no).
I pulled up the team and the executive director and talked to them about the request and we weighed all options and consequences; including the very real possibility that if we said yes to one, then we ran the risk that every one of the other dozen sponsors would now say they want their own dates.
Then I reported back that we made the effort to accommodate and could not, with a brief but careful explanation.
I am not saying that the sponsor was happy with my answer, nor that they would sponsor me again next year. But at least, they won't pull out this year!
It appears to me that we are confronted with a yea/nay decision point throughout our lives. Peer pressure when we are teens. Parental pressures and the difficulty of saying no to children or drawing firm lines.. And as related above, the choices at work.
But like anything else, if we are aware of it and set out to practice consistently, we might learn from our successes and failures.
There might even be occasions when a bet on Nyet will pay off positive returns.
2 comments:
Often times, we say NO at the spur of the moment and not after a delay and thought. That is where the diplomacy comes in.
'Yes But ' Always first say yes then follow it slowly with a But to say why we can not do it!
I have a sign at home which says ' SMILE' It is the second best thing you can do with your lips!
Enjoyed the post. Learning to draw boundaries is not just the key to sanity, but it is the key to a healthy and productive life.
I'm re-tweeting this!
A Diplomat Is Someone Who Can Tell You To Go To Hell In Such A Way That You Will Look Forward To The Trip.
Thanks!
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